search for warmth

when we try to fix things and we both say were ok, it doesn't end there. some things are left unsaid, feelings unexpressed. when it seems that everything's cool, you realize that it's not. it becomes too cool that it actually turns cold. so cold it burns me up inside. i try not to mind it but eventually it gets to you. what should i do? i'll just take in the pain and hopefully it won't eat me away. giving up is not an option. there is a lot of work required and i don't mind. i feel like im all alone... help me out here. don't leave me out in the cold.

How to make a samantha

Ingredients: 3 parts success 3 parts self-sufficiency 3 parts beauty

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little sadness if desired!

Username:http://www.go-quiz.com/cocktail/cocktail.php">Username:%20name="uname">

alive! alive!

bubuhayin kong ulit ang blog na ito! hahaha ;p

namiss ko din magsulat dito eversince nagblog ako sa friendster. so ano na bang bago??? nako madami. madaming madami na ang mga nangyari since my last entry here. mahigit isang taon ba naman akong hindi nakasulat dito eh. a lot has happened and changed in my life, in myself. ayun.. pero next time na lang ako magkkwento, madami pa kasi akong ginagawa ngayon. maybe next week pag maluwag ang schedule ko.. hehehe

(--,)

anong bang meron sa purple? mas magnda orange!!=D

i hate purple! yuck! hehe joke lng!=D i don't exactly know why its getting into me.. pero you know me naman, i get to attached to people most of the time. and sometimes i don't like sharing! whahahaha ( laughs like a witch! ). different friends, different attachments and relationships. i got used to always being with him all the time kasi. and you know the feeling of a jealous friend?!? ung may person sa life ng friend nya na hindi tlga nya gusto? hehe you know what i mean.. wala naman ginagawa syo ung person and di naman tlga kyo related pero you really don't like him or her... may ganun lng tlga na instances. and un ung feeling ko dun sa gurl.. i don't mind too much when we talk about her, pero minsan i'd rather not. and that purple thing... it's really starting to tick me off.. naiinis ako sa obsession nya s purple because of that gurl i guess?!? i dont know pro dedma nlng ako.. i'll just mind my own business. im still thankful dat im blessed with a lot of good, no, great friends!=D different views, values, and personalities.. one more thing.. i really hate being called a user. i must admit, i was somehow like that way back in highschool.. may mga friends din ako na nag gamitan lng kami.. but i know i made a mistake and that's all in the past. lets just leave it like that. besides, ive change, im not like that anymore, and i dont want to be like ever again. it hurts my feelings when i get called like that. kahit minsan joke lang.. you may think na bakit ako affected kung di naman totoo. but think about it, who wants to be called like that? i wonder if he really considers me as one of his true friends... i definitely do.. lahat naman ng friends ko eh.. hirap lng kasi sa taong un, di mo makausap ng seryosohan.. lagi nlng dinadaan sa biro.. pero sometimes i believe that some of the important, serious, deep thoughts and things are kept inside ourselves and left unsaid. it's better left unsaid. besides, di naman lahat kailangan sinasabi... you just know and somehow you feel it. thanks for being a friend!=D

oh eto na!

hay nko.. finally magsusulat na ulit ako dito.. ayoko ayoko!!! no!!!! i dont have this jelly ace whatever thingy feeling... i refuse to feel that.. naiinis lng tlga cguro ako pag nababanggit ung name ng gurl. oh well.. di ba sabi ko namana dati na i would be sad pag may bgo n cya. kasi maiiwan nko. ang selfish ko noh?!? wala lng! hehe oh well so tamad tlga to write here.. di gumagana utak ko.. cge n nga bukas nlng ulit..

not goodbye but till den...

hay nako akalain nyo ba na nung nagdaang pasko ay malungkot na naman ako. its was the night of dec. 25, i was alone in my room crying in the dark while texting my xbud. its was a very sad and diffucult night. paskong-pasko nagddrama ako! pero something has to be done talaga and xmas was my deadline to make the decision. i had to let go, and this time for good. i still cherish the times i had with my xbud but somehow things are just weird and different between us nowadays. nung nagpaalam nko sa kanya i had this feeling na hindi nya inakala na un ang magiging decision ko. maybe he was shocked. pero after i said goodbye ngtxt pa cya sakin ulit at cnbing meron pa rin daw akong babalikan kung sakali. that's really sweet, but when i think about it again, why stay? does he give me reason to stay? or maybe there shouldn't be a reason at all. i don't know, pero my decision is final. i feel that if he wants me to stay he has to give me a good reason why. it was a heart breaking thing to do. i never thought na sa amin pa ng xbud ko mangyayari toh. i never thought we would end up like this. cguro kung may message ako sa xbud ko it would be this: alam ko na ive said sorry too many times na, pero i am sorry for all the troubles ive caused you. i also very thankful for everthing you have given me; happiness, friendship, love, and even the heartaches. i have learned a lot of things from the times we had shared. maybe someday when i have already set my life straight we could patch things up for us. thank you for respecting my decision and accepting it. i know its hard to accept pero pareho lng naman tayong nahihirapan. i wish that you would always be ok and that you would be happy with your life. grabe xbud, im so sorry that i wasn't able to keep my promise to you that i would never leave you. i really tried to keep my promise naman eh, kaso i have my limitations too. hindi ko na kinaya ung paghihintay sa mga kasagutan sa mga taong ko. please always take care of yourself. maybe i wont say goodbye; i'll just say till den....

bakit ba tayo nagpapakatanga?!? tama na yan!

pag nagmahal daw ang isang tao:
"parang nakakapit sa patalim, nagdudugo na ang
kamay mo, hindi ka pa
rin bumibitaw..."

totoo nga naman diba? lalo na pag
nagpapakamartyr ka... kahit gaano
kahirap,
kahit gaano kasakit, kapit ka lang ng
mahigpit... palalim ng palalim
ang sugat,
pahigpit ng pahigpit ang hawak mo sa kutsilyo...
sa isip mo kasi "mahal
ko siya...
kailangan maging malakas ako para
sa kanya... ipaglalaban ko to..."

ang tanong diyan eh...

GUSTO BA NUNG TAONG YON NA
IPAGLABAN MO?

GUSTO BA NUNG TAONG YON NA MAGING
MALAKAS KA
PARA SA KANYA?

higit sa lahat... ALAM BA NIYA?!!

yan ang hirap sa ganyan eh... kapag wala ka na
ibang nakikita kundi
yung taong yun at yung nararamdaman mo para
sa kanya... yun kasi ang bumubulag sayo eh...
yung
mentalidad na pag nakuha mo siya,
makukumpleto
ang buhay mo...
pagminahal mo siya ng lubos, matututunan ka rin
niyang mahalin... basta
maiparamdam mo, may pagasa...

EH PANO NGA KUNG WALA?

pano nga kung
hindi ka
naman niya talaga kayang
mahalin?
pano kung niloloko mo lang pala ang sarili mo?
aba siyempre, hindi mo
makikita yun...
"mahal" mo eh... kaya kung ano
lang ang gusto mo
makita, yun lang...

kapag magkasama kayo at nakikita mo siyang
ngumingiti at masaya,
iniisip mo agad dahil magkasama kayo...
yun pala within eye's view lang
yung totoong gusto niya kaya ganun...

o kaya kapag nilalapitan ka niya para magtanong,
tuwang tuwa ka
kasi ikaw ang una niyang nilapitan... yun pala
katabi mo lang yung
gusto niya kaya sinasamantala niya yung
pagkakataon...

kapag nagkasakit ka at tumawag siya o nagtext
para mangamusta,
halos gumaling ka na in a second sa sobrang
tuwa...
nagaalala lang pala siya kasi KAIBIGAN ka
niya...

KAIBIGAN KA LANG NIYA...

haay...

ipaglaban mo KUNG NARARAPAT...
hindi naman masamang
ipaglaban eh, kung mahal mo ba naman siya, at
mahal ka rin niya
eh di why not?

di sapat na MAHAL MO... sa ganyang
pagkakataon,
mas importanteng
MAHAL
KA
RIN...

dahil kung hindi ka naman niya mahal, panu na
yun?
nagpipitik bulag ka na nga, magisa pa...

nagmukha ka lang
tanga...

->ewan ko nga ba kung bakit tayo ganito.
->hinahayaan natin ang mga sarili natin na masaktan
->para masabing nagmahal tyo.
->kelan ba tyo mamumulat sa ilusyong nagpapatakbo ng buhay natin?
->i've had enough. hindi ko sure kung galit ang nararamdaman ko.
->pero ang alam ko lang ay ayoko nang ipagpatuloy ang ganitong
->sitwasyon. i hate it!