not goodbye but till den...

hay nako akalain nyo ba na nung nagdaang pasko ay malungkot na naman ako. its was the night of dec. 25, i was alone in my room crying in the dark while texting my xbud. its was a very sad and diffucult night. paskong-pasko nagddrama ako! pero something has to be done talaga and xmas was my deadline to make the decision. i had to let go, and this time for good. i still cherish the times i had with my xbud but somehow things are just weird and different between us nowadays. nung nagpaalam nko sa kanya i had this feeling na hindi nya inakala na un ang magiging decision ko. maybe he was shocked. pero after i said goodbye ngtxt pa cya sakin ulit at cnbing meron pa rin daw akong babalikan kung sakali. that's really sweet, but when i think about it again, why stay? does he give me reason to stay? or maybe there shouldn't be a reason at all. i don't know, pero my decision is final. i feel that if he wants me to stay he has to give me a good reason why. it was a heart breaking thing to do. i never thought na sa amin pa ng xbud ko mangyayari toh. i never thought we would end up like this. cguro kung may message ako sa xbud ko it would be this: alam ko na ive said sorry too many times na, pero i am sorry for all the troubles ive caused you. i also very thankful for everthing you have given me; happiness, friendship, love, and even the heartaches. i have learned a lot of things from the times we had shared. maybe someday when i have already set my life straight we could patch things up for us. thank you for respecting my decision and accepting it. i know its hard to accept pero pareho lng naman tayong nahihirapan. i wish that you would always be ok and that you would be happy with your life. grabe xbud, im so sorry that i wasn't able to keep my promise to you that i would never leave you. i really tried to keep my promise naman eh, kaso i have my limitations too. hindi ko na kinaya ung paghihintay sa mga kasagutan sa mga taong ko. please always take care of yourself. maybe i wont say goodbye; i'll just say till den....