crash and burn....

i am so crushed... di ko na talaga kaya toh.. parang wala nalng ako sayo... parang yung mga sinasabi mo sakin is just for the sake n may masabi ka. i don't even know if you still mean it. bakit ganito?!? what did i do to deserve this? you didn't even reply sa message na cnend ko s friendster mo... i wanna let go... tama na.. di ko na kaya... i'm not that strong... i need help...

confusion, sadness, anxiety, pessimism all in one..

i feel that we're losing our connection. we live different lives now far apart from each other.you once said that i was very important and special to you, but those were just words you said that doesn't seem true. you know i love you, i've said that before. i did everything to show you how much i love you, but i guess i'm loving you the wrong way. maybe i still haven't learned how to sacrifice for love. my idea of love is being with you and having what i want. but i realized that it doesn't work that way. i should understand whatever you have to do or say. trust that what you tell me is true, so i won't ever fell blue. you also told me before that we have to be strong when we are apart. but i still can't take take the pain of the feeling of being torn apart. i still feel lost up to now. not knowing what place i have in your heart. all i ask is for you to explain, why you once asked me to stay. i miss the times when we go out. i miss the times when we talk on the phone. i miss the messages i suddenly receive, saying "gudnyt! switdreams!". but most of all, i miss the times when we're together. times when whe don't even need words to understand each other. we could just sit beside each other and know what we feel. i know that this is just another phase im going through. i just have to let out what im feeling right now. it's sad, i feel like giving up. i'm losing all my positivity. there are no words you could say and nothing i could do to change that. i'm sorry....

cud it be any harder?!?

Could it be any harder

You left me with goodbye and open arms

A cut so deep I don't deserve

You were always invincible in my eyes

The only thing against us now is time

Chorus:

Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,

Could it be any harder to watch you go,

to face what's true

If I only had one more day

I lie down and blind myself with laughter

A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing

And how I wish that I could turn back the hours

But I know I just don't have the power

Chorus

I'd jump at the chance,

We'd drink and we'd dance

And I'd listen close to your every word,

As if it's your last,

I know it's your last,

Cause today, oh, you're gone

Chorus

Like sand on my feet,

The smell of sweet perfume

You stick to me forever

And I wish you didn't go

I wish you didn't go,

I wish you didn't go away

To touch you again,

With life in your hands,

It couldn't be any harder.. harder.. harder

*haay... may mas hihirap pa ba?!?

yipee!!!! nsa cloud nine ako!

grabe! nka-txt ko xbud ko ngaun! wala lng... sobrang mis ko n kc cya eh... minsan nlng magparamdam sakin un... miss na daw nya ako! grabe! ako din!!! whaaaa!!! grabe!!!!
sana magkita kami sometime. tagal ko n kc cya di nkikita eh. haay... cloud nine talaga sa saya!!!!

well, well, well...

hay nko... i slept for 12 hours after crying myself to sleep last night.sobrang sakit ng ulo ko ngaun at maga pa ung eyes ko.. ewan ko ba kung bakit ako ganito? minsan sobrang ok lng ako. minsan naman, kulang nlng tuluyan nakong mabaliw... ang weird ko talaga...it's gonna be a long weekend. sa tuesday pa pasok namin eh. cyempre kahit weekend na ngaun wala parin akong mababalitaan bout him. malamang busy prin un, or nagpapahinga, or dadalaw sa patay... haaay..... buhay nga naman...ayaw talga ako pagbigyan. well, wala naman ako magagawa about it. cge, later nlng ulit...

another day...

another day has passed by... it's been a long day and im really tired....oo nga pala, tuloy ko na yung kwento ko dun sa first post ko! whehehethre's this guy that i get along with just fine... para bang siya yung person that nakakapag-pawala ng loneliness ko pag wala si (10-01-25-03-05-05)... i know it sounds bad kasi parang ginawa ko cyang panakip-butas. pero di naman sa ganun. i just enjoy his company. as in nakaka-relate tlga kami sa mga buhay-buhay namin. haay... ang astig nya kasama at kausap... lakas trip!ano nga ba point ng pinagsasabi ko?!? sa totoo lng, hindi ko din alam...im just triying to confuse myself again. hay nko, ewan ko ba!i really miss him....

unang-una sa lahat......

this is my first entry... i decided to create this account so i would have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings... it's late at night, and suddenly i feel sad... i am missing the person that is most important to me.i haven't heard from him for almost a month and a half now. seems that we somehow lost touch. i know i may sound shallow if i say that i want him to prioritize me. it's just sometimes i wish he would find time for me. i know that he's busy with his studies, but i just don't buy that reason. how come all of my friends could be busy as hell with their studies and still find time to spend with their peers? why can't he manage to do that? sometimes i ask myself, am i expecting too much??? am i so selfish that am asking too much from him? all i want is to spend some time with him once in a while... well i guess that is too much to ask for... who am i to ask for such things like that? i am just a friend who doesn't know where to belong. besides that, i don't know our status. we're friends of a different level but still somewhere denial and ambivalence. we act like something we're not. we've been apart for about two months now, and i am trying to spend each day without thinking of him. i have somehow conditioned myself to the fact that we have to be away from each other. while i go to school each day and spend time with my new friends...... there is this person that i met and became one of my friends. i am glad that i got to know him and still continuously getting to know him as days passes by... to be continued.....