not goodbye but till den...

hay nako akalain nyo ba na nung nagdaang pasko ay malungkot na naman ako. its was the night of dec. 25, i was alone in my room crying in the dark while texting my xbud. its was a very sad and diffucult night. paskong-pasko nagddrama ako! pero something has to be done talaga and xmas was my deadline to make the decision. i had to let go, and this time for good. i still cherish the times i had with my xbud but somehow things are just weird and different between us nowadays. nung nagpaalam nko sa kanya i had this feeling na hindi nya inakala na un ang magiging decision ko. maybe he was shocked. pero after i said goodbye ngtxt pa cya sakin ulit at cnbing meron pa rin daw akong babalikan kung sakali. that's really sweet, but when i think about it again, why stay? does he give me reason to stay? or maybe there shouldn't be a reason at all. i don't know, pero my decision is final. i feel that if he wants me to stay he has to give me a good reason why. it was a heart breaking thing to do. i never thought na sa amin pa ng xbud ko mangyayari toh. i never thought we would end up like this. cguro kung may message ako sa xbud ko it would be this: alam ko na ive said sorry too many times na, pero i am sorry for all the troubles ive caused you. i also very thankful for everthing you have given me; happiness, friendship, love, and even the heartaches. i have learned a lot of things from the times we had shared. maybe someday when i have already set my life straight we could patch things up for us. thank you for respecting my decision and accepting it. i know its hard to accept pero pareho lng naman tayong nahihirapan. i wish that you would always be ok and that you would be happy with your life. grabe xbud, im so sorry that i wasn't able to keep my promise to you that i would never leave you. i really tried to keep my promise naman eh, kaso i have my limitations too. hindi ko na kinaya ung paghihintay sa mga kasagutan sa mga taong ko. please always take care of yourself. maybe i wont say goodbye; i'll just say till den....

bakit ba tayo nagpapakatanga?!? tama na yan!

pag nagmahal daw ang isang tao:
"parang nakakapit sa patalim, nagdudugo na ang
kamay mo, hindi ka pa
rin bumibitaw..."

totoo nga naman diba? lalo na pag
nagpapakamartyr ka... kahit gaano
kahirap,
kahit gaano kasakit, kapit ka lang ng
mahigpit... palalim ng palalim
ang sugat,
pahigpit ng pahigpit ang hawak mo sa kutsilyo...
sa isip mo kasi "mahal
ko siya...
kailangan maging malakas ako para
sa kanya... ipaglalaban ko to..."

ang tanong diyan eh...

GUSTO BA NUNG TAONG YON NA
IPAGLABAN MO?

GUSTO BA NUNG TAONG YON NA MAGING
MALAKAS KA
PARA SA KANYA?

higit sa lahat... ALAM BA NIYA?!!

yan ang hirap sa ganyan eh... kapag wala ka na
ibang nakikita kundi
yung taong yun at yung nararamdaman mo para
sa kanya... yun kasi ang bumubulag sayo eh...
yung
mentalidad na pag nakuha mo siya,
makukumpleto
ang buhay mo...
pagminahal mo siya ng lubos, matututunan ka rin
niyang mahalin... basta
maiparamdam mo, may pagasa...

EH PANO NGA KUNG WALA?

pano nga kung
hindi ka
naman niya talaga kayang
mahalin?
pano kung niloloko mo lang pala ang sarili mo?
aba siyempre, hindi mo
makikita yun...
"mahal" mo eh... kaya kung ano
lang ang gusto mo
makita, yun lang...

kapag magkasama kayo at nakikita mo siyang
ngumingiti at masaya,
iniisip mo agad dahil magkasama kayo...
yun pala within eye's view lang
yung totoong gusto niya kaya ganun...

o kaya kapag nilalapitan ka niya para magtanong,
tuwang tuwa ka
kasi ikaw ang una niyang nilapitan... yun pala
katabi mo lang yung
gusto niya kaya sinasamantala niya yung
pagkakataon...

kapag nagkasakit ka at tumawag siya o nagtext
para mangamusta,
halos gumaling ka na in a second sa sobrang
tuwa...
nagaalala lang pala siya kasi KAIBIGAN ka
niya...

KAIBIGAN KA LANG NIYA...

haay...

ipaglaban mo KUNG NARARAPAT...
hindi naman masamang
ipaglaban eh, kung mahal mo ba naman siya, at
mahal ka rin niya
eh di why not?

di sapat na MAHAL MO... sa ganyang
pagkakataon,
mas importanteng
MAHAL
KA
RIN...

dahil kung hindi ka naman niya mahal, panu na
yun?
nagpipitik bulag ka na nga, magisa pa...

nagmukha ka lang
tanga...

->ewan ko nga ba kung bakit tayo ganito.
->hinahayaan natin ang mga sarili natin na masaktan
->para masabing nagmahal tyo.
->kelan ba tyo mamumulat sa ilusyong nagpapatakbo ng buhay natin?
->i've had enough. hindi ko sure kung galit ang nararamdaman ko.
->pero ang alam ko lang ay ayoko nang ipagpatuloy ang ganitong
->sitwasyon. i hate it!

murang mura lang toh!

putangina talaga. ang sarap mong sumbatan pero di ko magawa. i hate my fuckin situation. i hate your fuckin reasons, excuses or whatever. i must really be a damn fool to believe all those bullshit things you told me. what he had was crap. everthing was a big joke. another phase in my life that reassures me how stupid i am. oh what the hell, i don't need you!

say it before the moment passes you by...

hay nako.. as usual, wala na naman ako magawa dito sa bahay. sabi ni faith sa blog nya, say i love you daw to the people you love. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! as in i really do. there was also a time that i read something from the bulletin board of friendster.. ngayong panahon daw we casually say "i love you" to anyone; but the question is do we really mean it? most of the us today just use these three words for the sake of saying it. but for others, they can't ever utter those words to the people closest to their hearts. ako, minsan i find it hard to my family that i love them. pero lam ko naman na deep inside alam nila that i do. as for my friends, my loves of my life, i always tell them that i love them. kasi if without them ewan ko lng kung ano na nagyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. as for the special some1 that i love, i also tell him(kung cno man cya) that. well you'll never know nga naman tlga kung kelan mo pa masasabi ulit yun diba?!? kaya might as well say it. besides totoo naman. i don't tell people that i love them if i don't mean it. pero ngayon.. meron nga ba akong mahal??? i used to love someone.. used to nga ba, o still love? i really don't know... you probably know who im talking about. 6 months ago everybody thought that this was going to be it. that i have found the one that i love and who would love me. sabi nga ng mga friends ko sakin, just wait a little more until he fixes his past tapos everthing will be ok na for the two of us. at inakala ko din un. it thought that eventually things between us would be good; great actually, pero hindi pala... when we started to go to college somehow things fell apart. no more time for each other and different lives to live. i can't help it. when i think about it tears seems to flow from my eyes. ngayon. ibang-iba na... bigla nalng cya nawala.. i felt so lost. i didn't know what hit me. parang bula sa bilis ng pagkawala nya.. one day i was spending time with him, the next he was gone.... he was gone... ewan ko kung anong nangyari sa kanya. bigla nlng hindi nagpaparamdam at hindi din nagrerespond sa mga paramdam ng tao. is he dettaching himself from us? the reason for his behavior i don't know. what i know is, i've been very patient this past 6 months and still trying to understand him. maybe he does have a valid reason. busy? oh well.. whatever!!! 3 days nlng ata at chritstmas na. and i still haven't heard from him. sabi nga ni patty lat month, give him till christmas. find out whether he's gonna contact me or something. kung hindi, tama na cguro.. eh pano na toh? lapit na ng pasko pero di p rin cya nagpaparamdam?!? mukang sign toh na gudbye na tlga... its so weird that im feeling kinda ok about it. pero of course may halong takot pa din. after christmas what would happen to me? grabe, di ko inakala na in 6 months time ay sobrang daming mangyayari sa life ko. from be depressed about him to having my crush as my new bestfriend to you know, feeling something for another friend. oh what the hell is happening to me?!? sobrang windang talga ng mundo ko! what would happen to me next year? iw ish for something good to happen.. whatever that is, basta sana something good in my life. sa bagay, di ko lang naman actually napapansin na sa bawat malungkot na pangyayari sa buhay ko ay may kasunod na maganda out of it. we just have to open our eyes and see the window that opens after the door closes. totoo naman tlga un. basta, keep your eyes open. and alos your hearts and minds... anything is possible...

strike two... whut da f*ck?!?

alge is sweeter the third time around... hehe obviously this means i failed alge agen! oh yeah! gonna take it up this coming summer. didn't really bother me much. i got good grades for the rest of my subjects anyway. grabe sobrang windang ung day ko. buong araw ako nsa lasalle waiting for my course cards. got home aroung 7:30 pm.. ngarag diba?!? parang feel ko magdrama ngayon kaya lng sobrang antok nko.. kya bukas nlng... slip muna ako.. hehe..

chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

i have this feeling na medyo mababagot ako this xmas break. well it is nice to be stress free for a while. kasi naman noh, ang sala sa init sala sa lamig nating mga tao.. pag may pasok we always ask for a break, pag break naman, reklamo n walang magawa. hay nko... basta dapat enjoy and relax nlng tayo... im gonna go to school tomorrow. bigayan ng course cards eh.. eto n naman po tyo! hold on tight!! whaaa!!! grabe na ito... dami ko naiisip pero i don't know how to put it into words. dami ko ding tao na naiisip. gosh! nkkwindang ever! i've been thinking of xbud this past few days, im wondrin how he is right now.. grabe, i feel like hindi ko n cya kilala.. what i mean is it's hard to catch up with a friend after a long time not being able to see or talk to each other. we live different lives now. pno pa kmi makakarelate sa isat-isa nyan?!? minsan ok nko sa ganitong sitwasyon... natatakot kasi ako na pag nakausap ko o nkita ko n ulit c xbud ay puro dead air lng ang aabutin namin. i don't even know what to tell him if ever i get the chance to talk to him.. sana sa manila nlng cya nag-aaral. cguro kung dun din cya may time pa kami magkita or atleast catch up once in a while...ang sad eh... sana sa debut ni ais dumating cya... haay... i wish that everybody would have a very merry christmas this year!!!!! love you guys!=D

wag na wag mong sasabihin...

May gusto ka bang sabihin
Ba’t ‘di mapakali
Ni hindi makatingin
Sana’y ‘wag mo na itong palipasin
At subukang lutasin
Sana’y sinabi mo na

REFRAIN
Iba’ng nararapat sa akin
Na tunay kong mamahalin

CHORUS
Oh, huwag na huwag mong sasabihin
Na hindi mo nadama itong
Pag-ibig kong handang
Ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo

Ano man ang iyong akala
Na ako’y isang bituin
Na walang sasambahin
‘Di ko man ito ipakita
Abot-langit ang daing
Sana’y sinabi mo na

[Repeat REFRAIN]
[Repeat CHORUS]

At sa gabi, sinong duduyan sa ‘yo
At sa umaga, ang hangin ang hahaplos sa ‘yo
Oh oh

[Repeat CHORUS]

tpos na! nakaraos din!=D

hay sa wakas tapos na ang alumni chuva sa sanlo. stress free na ulit. grabe sarap ng tulog ko kanina after simbang gabi! ok naman ung alumni kahit papano. pero as expected onti lng ung dumating. oh well, what would you expect naman noh?!? buti nlng effective ung kakulitan ni kuya allain... life of the party ba daw?!=D hehe 5 days to go christmas na!!!! haay too bad wala akong time and money to xmas shop for my friends.. bawi nlng next year. sobrang gastos kasi this past two months eh. daming nag-debut, tsaka mga night out.ayan tuloy la nko money.. aaahhh... so sad.. o cge na, later nlng, la nko maisip isulat eh...

when i hear music and see green i think of him...

narealize ko na i keep on falling for guys who doesn't or can't love me in return. ewan ko ba kung bakit parang magnet ako ng mga ganung type of guys. do i have a bad sense of judgment or nagkakataon lng talaga un? i am a living example of the saying "always the bridesmaid never the bride". you may laugh at what im writing here but its true. im the person that you'll consider a great friend; so easy to get along with, so easy to like, so easy to love---as a friend and that it. un ako. ewan ko nga kung bakit sabi nila madali naman ako mahalin at makasama pero hanggang ngayon im still somewhat "in search" of the right guy. are they afraid to try, or am i just not the loving kind? and sad isipin diba? pero un ang bumabagabag sa isip for the longest time. im still glad that i have a lot of friends and that they love and appreciate me pero diba nga, at some point we get that feeling na something's missing. ang madalas na pagkakamali na nagagawa ko ay ma-fall sa isang kaibigan ko. ilang beses na nga bang nangyari sakin yun? mabilang ko pa kaya? is it wrong to fall for a friend or is it just me? ngayon-ngayon nga lng some of my girl barkadas teases me to my friend. baka daw magkaron ng something between us. hay nko, hinahayaan ko lng cla pakiligin ang mga sarili nila, then i just drop the idea. dyan kasi nagsstart ung mistakes ko na ma-fall sa isang friend. yah i know my friend is sweet and all that. but he's just really like that and close lang talaga kmi. he's one of my oldest friends and we've been like that for ages. although he's more concerned and "maaalalahanin" right now than before, that doesn't justify that there could be something bet. us. besides i know his life and what happens to him every single day. kaya ayan, i don't wanna start the idea that i could fall for him coz it's just gonna be another burden for me. im just happy that he's one of my great friends. hindi pko iniiwan nun. in fairness kahit my problem ako nakikinig siya sakin. and i thought noon pang gud times and kalokohan na friend lang cya. i was wrong. he's really a true friend and i hope ganun din ako sa kanya. as much as possible i wanna be as true and reliable for him. and the same for the rest of my friends. cguro ung isang nagbabasa nitong entry na toh ay alam mo kung cno ung tinutukoy ko. drop it. let's not talk about this issue on the phone ha?!?=D *wink* comedy masyado to talk about it. grabe,,, it would be nice to meet a guy like him that would take care of me. i could share endless stories about my friend and him being so sweet. hehe ang kulit kasi eh! di kumpleto day ko kung di ako makakareceive ng missed call from him. daily routine namin un eh.. hehe it makes me smile when i think about it. we literally see each other everyday. ewan ko ba, di pa ba kami nagkakasawaan ng muka?!?whehehe oh well, feel ko lng magkwento. sorry kung mahaba msyado entry ko. hehe

have a break.... have a kitkat...

finally tpos na finals namin. just have to go back to school to get my course cards. i don't if i'll pass all my subjects, but im praying really hard. especially for alge. oh well, my summer naman! *laughs* its been a really stressful term but atleast i was still able to get through it. thanks to my loveing and supportive friends! love ko talaga kyo!!=D it's just a week before christmas and i still don't feel the jolly feeling. para bang it's just like any ordinary month that's gonna pass by. i really hope i could spend my time well and have a relaxing break. i need to relax badly. sobrang stressed nko physically, enotionally, socially, at spiritually... bugbog to the max na ang sarili, but as usual when you see me i look alright. sometimes im ok, most of the time im not. what's new naman diba?!? lagi naman ganun, at minsan nakakapagod din. basta im so thankful for having friends who will always be there for me no matter what. they are the people who keep me holding on and keeps me strong and brave to face my problems. what would i do without you guys??? cguro nagbreakdown nko literally kung wala kyo. thanks so much! i could never be thankful enough fir everything!

when will it be me

by Yasmeen

:
(VERSE1.)
I see the couples are walkin` by
Feel like I
Don`t wanna be alone today
So glad no one can see what I hide
Deep inside
How it feels to be
The girl who never gets the right guy
Tell me why
When there`s so much I`ve got to give
I wake up reaching out in the night
Ready to hold him tight
`Til I realize
That nobody is there
(CHORUS.)
When will it be me?
When will I be the one
Somebody`s dreaming of?
When`s it gonna be?
When will I find my heart
Lyin` inside the arms
That never let me go?
I`d really like to know
When will it be me?
(VERSE2.)
My friends seem to have all the love
(Feels like love)
Knocks on their door and walks right in
I know that I am worthy of what I`ve been wishing for
I can`t wait no more
Love`s nowhere to be found
(CHORUS.)
(HOOK.)
Feeling his tender touch
(Lying in his arms)
Talkin` bout forever together
Givin` him all my love
That`s been trying to break free
Don`t wanna be alone
No more
I`m telling you what I need
I want someone who loves me for me
And when will it be?
Wonder when it will be me?
(CHORUS.)
I ask myself
When will it be me?

finals na!

ang daming kailangan gawin for finals. sobrang cramming na naman ako. what's new?!? lagi naman eh. oh well, maybe just maybe... sorry i can't be perfect... welcome to my life... hehe... la lang. just came home from sm sucat. we bought a magic sing mic! hehe videoke to max na toh!

walang pasok

walang pasok today, at wala ulit pasok tom. haay... ang boring pag walang pasok tapos you can't go out. nakakabagot sa house. oh well, everythings not well.. naloloka nko dito sa haus! i wan't some taro puffs!!!!! yum!!!!=D birthday ng big bro ko ngaun.. he's 30 na! whahahaha he's old na! hehe pro oki lng, doesn't look 30 naman eh! *wink* ang boring talga dito. kaninang umaga at around 10:30 am nagtxt sakin c mok, sunduin daw nya ako tpos punta kmi gcc. andun pala kasi ung "bestfriend" namin. whahaha ayun, naligo muna aku tpos cnundo nko ni mok dto s haus. andun s court cna itetch, jazzy, cha, eena, and her friends. laro lng cla volleyball dun. loka-loka talga ung buddy ko! binibiro aku n nagbago na daw aku kasi lasalista na!=D whahaha tawa nlng aku!=D ngek! eh dat's the least thing that happened to me. halos wala p ngang nagbago sakin since hayskul. im still the same old sam; makulit, at magulo ang utak. hay naku, i miss hayskul life! sana ung college parang nsa hayskul din lng. cguro ryt now, ung thing n di ko talaga kayang i-let go is ung hayskul days ko. ngayon kasi i've realized that i could let go other things in my life. oh well.... bitinin ko muna tong shared thoughts ko.. give you the details on my next post! ingats sa bagyo!=D